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"What they didn't tell you - what you couldn't possibly know."
A play in exmalkorism.

DRAMATIS PERSONAE
Killer
Tom
Shakespeare

(Shakespeare and Killer are standing on stage when Tom walks in.)

Shakespeare - Welcome to the party!  This ain't no disco, this ain't no wedding, this ain't no foolin' around.
 
Tom - (to Shakes) - So glad to be here.

Killer - (to Tom) - Don't push, don't lean, don't show your face here, do I make myself clear?  Now, go on, before I act out a little fantasy of mine.

Tom - (confused) - I'm sorry, there must be some misunderstanding, I thought you invited me here.

Shakes - (walks away from them, frustrated) - What do these people want?!?!  My spleen ?!?!

Killer - (goes over to Shakes, pulling him back) - We're not like other people, we're artists .... with great talent comes responsibility.

Tom - (gruffly to Shakes) - I guess you think I'm not fully able to comprehend something like that, huh?  Art, or whatever you call it.

Shakes - (interested - enquiring of them both) - Do you have a taste for anything special?
 
Killer - (scoffing, goes and sits at the front of the stage) - I'm sick of my adorable taste.

Tom - (answering Shakes' question) - I like to whistle sometimes.

Killer - (jumping up to defend Tom) - Someone has paid a lot of bills for that sweet little mouth ... (angry at himself) you see how weak I am?  I promised myself I was never going to tell you.

Shakes - (laughing at Killer's reaction) - Nothing is quite as sad as seeing a grown man pissing his pants.

Tom - (angry at both of them) - I'm trying to think here, and between you, the coyotes and the crickets, a thought don't get much of a chance.
 (pushes them both away)

Killer - (to Shakes, referring to Tom) He never knew who he was.

Tom - (grabs Killer by the shirt, pulling him stage right) - I know who I am kid!

Shakes - (angry and despondent to himself) - I don't remember who I was before they sunk their claws into me.

Killer - (enthused at this) - That was sounding real mysterious, but it was pretty threatening at the same time!
(Tom and Killer go over to Shakes)

Shakes -(disagreeing with this) - I am not a leader of men, and neither are you! (pokes them both in the chest)

Tom - (shouting) - How dare you touch me you liar, you fake, you phony little fake!!!

Killer - (angrily) - You better show me some GODDAMNED RESPECT!!!!!

Shakes - (in disbelief) - The horror .... the horror.

Tom - (pushing Shakes) - I'm simply incapable of tolerating your bullshit.... Now if you follow me back to that party I'm gonna tear you arm off and beat you down the street with it!!

Killer - (to Tom referring to Shakes) - I hate talking to the donkey. (makes loud donkey noises)

Shakes - (to Killer) - What gives you the right to judge me?  Is it because you're so much holier than anyone else?

Tom - (to Shakes) - What do you want, an award... you want some kind of medal?!

Shakes - (shouting at both of them) - HEY! Dont you ever say that to me.  I'd rather somebody picked up a crowbar and battered out my brains!

Killer - (laughing at Shakes) - You should have seen the look on his face!  He about pooped his pants!

Shakes - Are you trying to quarrel with me?  I think you're trying to humiliate me.  Are you satisfied, am I sufficiently disappointed?

Killer - (to Shakes) - You think this is some philosophical decision I took?  No!  For me, you're somewhere between a cockroach and that white stuff that accumulates at the corner of your mouth when you're really thirsty!

Tom - (at Shakes) - YOU ..... UGLY ..... BABBLING ..... OLD WITCH!!!

Shakes - (angrily at both of them) - I've about had it with the insults buddy!  You think you're the only one in the brain department here?

Tom - (angrily walking away) - I can't work under these conditions!  It's too hot!

Killer - (to Tom, pulling him back) - Hey!  Don't be telling me what we are gonna do boy!

(they each, in turn, clip each other over the back of the head, a la Lee -  Tom to Killer, Killer to Shakes, Shakes to Tom, then back the other way again)

Tom - (calming down) - I want to apologise for some of the things I said before, I was unnecessarily offensive.

Killer - (agreeing) - You might call it a fracture in the soul that left me with a taste for oblivion.

Shakes - (laughing their argument off) - The irony is so thick you could choke on it.

Tom - (amiably, hopefully) - Am I to demote myself to the tepid position of friend?

Killer - (encouragingly) - You've proven quite a useful mammal.

Shakes - (urging them to stay) - One beer please. (gets three beers and hands them out)

Tom - (toasting) - One for all and all for one!

Killer - I've always been kinda partial to endings myself.

(they stand in a triangle, grabbing the front of each other's shirt, and down the cans of beer, finishing them, screwing up the cans and proceed to bounce them off each other's heads)

(black out)

THE END