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Jakeolepsy - form of malkomania in which subject is devoted to Jake Bartholemew. Sufferers tend to live expensively luxurious lives beyond their means and formulate their own eulogies in a newscasters voice. Subjects seem to finish most of their sentences with '..and now.. sports..'
jazzmalk - (n) Malkovich playing saxophone
Jekyllitis - subset of malkomania where subject is overly friendly to female servants, becomes proficient in chemistry and has a thinly disguised dark side. Sufferers feel a tenderness for Henry Jekyll.
johnification - (psych.) describes the inability to hear the name 'John' without thinking (tenderly) about Malkovich
joie de vivre - (Fr.) feeling one is imbued with upon seeing, watching or thinking about Malkovich
juxtamalk - (v) to place next to Malkovich in comparison.